Quinoa

Quinoa

Quinoa is the bomb.  Or it's more like teensy little bombs that once boiled, explode and release these cute little curly Q's.  It's yummy, nutritious and has a gentle nutty flavor, like brown rice or something.  Thus, no one in my family likes it but me.  Party poopers.

I have tried to prepare it several different ways, plain, with a southwestern twist, and formed into fried cakes.  They never like it.  "It tastes like crunchy dirt." My four year old would know, I am pretty sure she has eaten crunchy dirt.

Maybe, just maybe, if I try one of these recipes, my family will actually eat quinoa...doubt it.

 

 Wait, wait, I know, let's douse it slimy sauce, add chicken...

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Then sprinkle it with peas. (At my house, peas stand on their own. They are never, ever sprinkled over anything)

Oddly, enough, same recipe.

Perhaps I am going about quinoa entirely the wrong way.  I thought of it as a savory food, but perhaps if I add fruit...(cute fork!)

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Ah, no.  This blogger will be receiving an owl from the Department of Tragic Misuse of Otherwise Tasty Fruits.



I did find this cute little pin on Pinterest, so perhaps I ought to keep it simple. 

10 New Ways to Cook Quinoa

Totally Looks Like

Totally Looks Like

I have lately seen a few recipes pinned that "Totally Looks Like" something else.  You know what I am talking about right?  No?  Here is what I mean:

Find it here!

Or this classic:

Find it here!

I just laughed so hard, I nearly peed myself.  (After delivering four babies, they tell me that is normal.)  I am not a fan of Joel Osteen, no offense.  But here are a few foods that just made me chuckle in their resemblance to, well, other things!

Egg Salad Sammich: Totally Looks Like A JellyFish

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This Sausage Roll: Totally Looks Like Dobby from Harry Potter

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These Potatoes: Totally Look Like Scallops

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This, um,  Stuff: Totally Looks Like A Storm Trooper

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Chicken

Chicken.

I like chicken.  It's low fat, inexpensive, and very tasty.  It's a universal food, I guess, ever present in Mexican cooking, Chinese food, and you get what I am saying.  Where you pretty much never find chicken is in vegetarian/vegan food.  And this is why:

YUSS!  For funsies, you can sift through 40 different ways to make chicken.  Some look as amazing as they sound.  Some look horrific.  Sadly, the cover photo is just not appetizing hiding behind those tantalizing words.

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So this one came across my Pinterest feed so many times I just HAD to snag it.  It just a giant pile of chicken breasts.  Plop, plop, plop.

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Yes, they tell me this is chicken.  I was convinced it was a vegan dish, some sort of pumpkin or acorn squash.  But nope, that funky chunk is chicken.

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And just to prove that I truly cannot photograph anything better than the average blogger, here are some of my chickens.  Don't they look yummy?

Fluffy and Bam

Kale

Kale.

Kale, it's a leafy green if you didn't know.  It's very nutritious.  I actually like it, it's got a spinach like texture, does well in the juicer, and when it's cooked, it works like cabbage but not quite so strong in flavor.  But it does not photograph well.  Ever.  Here, let me show you.

Have you ever forgotten about a head of lettuce in the fridge? And when you found it, weeks later, it had turned into a watery, slimy mess?  You can achieve the same look by simply baking kale leaves!

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I am pretty sure I found a small pile of this in my chicken run this morning.  I started giving the chickens a new feed and this was the result.

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Now, at least this blogger tried to hide the slimy mess under some gorgeous tomatoes.  Sadly, it was not enough to hide the fact they skinned a certain Muppet to make their sandwich. 

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Poor Oscar, sacrificed for the love of Kale.

Kale the Grouch photo found here

Shrimp

Shrimp

Do you know that shrimp eat garbage?  No really, they are like the cockroaches of the sea, or something. They are not kosher.  (I cannot back that up.)  Not that I follow kosher dietary law, because I love me a cheeseburger.  Wait, stop, I must go to Wikipedia...

I admit, I am not unbiased when it comes to seafood.  I am not a big fan of seafood.  Unless you wrap it in rice, cover it with pickled ginger and dunk it wasabi and soy sauce.  Even then, I have my limits.

That said, I am unbiased in noting that pretty much every recipe I have seen on Pinterest using shrimp just looks like some scaly pink slug attacked a perfectly yummy plate. 

This had all the makings of a delightful plate. Asparagus: check. Gnocchi: check.  Pesto: check. Shrimp: no, no, please no! Take it away before the pink cockroaches get your gnocchi!!

 

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Now these folks had the courtesy to remove the little cockroach shrimp's tails.  So nice. But placing them atop of innocent bed of slimy avocado?  Cruel.

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Oh, I am just getting warmed up.  I have so much more shrimp.  Until then, enjoy this:




Finding Nemo: fish, they way they ought to be.

Ground Beef

Ground Beef. 

Ground beef.  Some say, it contains pink slime. By the looks of these recipes, I would not be surprised.




When pinning a recipe to Pinterest, I find it's best to pick the photo that makes the food look it's best.  Not everyone agrees.  Instead, they pin a slab of raw ground beef.  Looks like zombie food to me.

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Now this, this, looks like a Weight Watchers recipe card from the '70's.  Deeee-lish.

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Oh no!  Some body barfed on my lettuce!

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But, my oh my, the collection of meatloaf recipes I have pinned.  Just.  You.  Wait.

Eh tu, Bacon?

Bacon.

Bacon could be the world's most perfect food. It's salty and melts in your mouth. It's appropriate for breakfast, lunch or dinner.  You can wrap it around just about anything for a perfectly basted bit of awesomeness.

I (heart) bacon.  Unless it looks like this...

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Seems tasty until you can't photograph it well.

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Despite looking like a pile of internal organs, I'd make this.

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